Father's Day

Father's Day
June 19, 2011

Maybe this year I have found something to be thankful for.

When I was 8 years old my parents got a divorce, that summer I moved in with my mom. Just so you all know, about 6 months prior my 2 half sisters moved in with us. (The story of my 2 sisters is a whole other story and I probably shouldn't go into detail). Let's just say I didn't know they existed until I was 6 or 7 years old. So that tells us that my dad hadn't been in their life very much until I found them by accident. My father said when my mom left him that he wouldn't do me how he had done my sisters, that I was his angel and he would always be here.

I have not seen or heard from my father since I was about 11, nor did he pay child support to help out my mother. It is crazy how one person being absent from your life can make a person so different from others who have that person in their life.

I constantly think about how my life would be if my father hadn't just moved to another state without a word to my mother or myself. If he had at least sent money for me and my mom who wasn't always able to make enough money to pay the bills.
He wasn't there when I graduated from high school 3 years ago. He hasn't been here to see any of my success, or been here to encourage me when challenges came my way. I always pretended like I was okay with it....at my graduation during the speeches I didn't cry because high school was over, I shed tears because my father was not in the stands watching me walk the stage and receive my diploma. I wondered if he even cared...and still to this day I wonder if he cares at all.

I also always wonder even if my parents weren't together and he still was around if I would be a better woman and know how to love better than I do. That just sucks because I want to be the best woman a man could ever ask for. The fact that my father left me, and that every man my mom has been with has never been a good has always made me skeptical of any guy who ever talked to me. And that is not good...I hate it. I always assume that every guy could and would do the same thing as my father and leave me.

But this year, this Father's Day...I have something to be thankful for. Well actually 2 things.
1. My older brother who is not yet a father, but has been here for me the past couple of years...letting me stay with him and his wife while I am not at school, and for always helping my mom out with money when we needed it when I still lived with her. It truly means a lot because he doesn't have to do any of that.
2. My boyfriends father. My boyfriend Howard is an awesome guy. He has treated me better than any other guy. He is respectful and kind. He encourages me to do things that I like, gives me ideas, and challenges me. He always knows the right things to say, makes me listen even when I am trying to be stubborn. And I listen and what he says I take in and its in my head with me to think about even after the conversation is over. He is making me a stronger person. I believe that he is this way because of having both his father and mother in his life. I don't really know how great his relationship is with the both of them yet, but I know that he has definitely been taught a great deal from them, and I am so very thankful for that.

So this Father's Day, I have found some joy, and I thank the Lord for that.

If you have a father who has stuck around in your life, he may not be perfect....but make sure you thank him today. He didn't have to be there for you, but he was and is! You are so blessed.

I want to say another thing to men out there. When you find a lady friend who doesn't have a father, be kind and don't just tell her you love her but show her in all this little things you do.
And sometimes when she is unsure how to love you, be patient and show her...that is the only way she may ever learn. In time, she will be a greater woman for you, and that is all she wants.


If you read through this whole post...thanks...all these things I have thought about over and over but I never really say out loud to anyone...so it means a lot!

Just Bored

Well, it is 12:36 am & I am so very tired. I am on call right now...or else I would be in bed already.
I don't really have a purpose for blogging right now...so this will all be random.

As you all should know, I miss Twitter....have not been on there in five days. It is crazy because I used to be on Twitter ALL the time. The first day of Lent was the hardest. I found myself wanting to tweet about all these things that were happening, what quotes of funny things my friends & I had said, and my thoughts thought the day. Now, I still want to tweet about things but not as often.
Now, I find myself on Facebook a lot more, when before I was rarely on it. Sadly, it is not as satisfying as Twitter. I miss tweeting with all the Magic fans. It is always fun, but I will have to wait until like the end of the season to tweet with them all again.
As far as Lent, I am also reading the Bible more. I am reading for my Johannine Lit class, but I am also trying to read some everyday from other parts of the Bible. This is somethng that I really need to continue even after Lent season is over. I am hoping that will happen.

School...well, I am not going to be an RA next year. For the third time I got "Alternate Candidate" it is kind of annoying but, I hope that they put me in over the summer. I really enjoy my RA position, except nights like this when all I want to do it sleep but can't because I am on call. I guess we should be registering for fall classes soon. We are having advisor meetings Wednesday, so we will see how that goes. I need to get an internship during the summer, but first I need a car. I am working on that, it is just hard when I don't have anyone to help me...I really don't know what I am doing, so it would help to get some guidance.
I am doing doing as well grade wise as last semester. I feel like my friends are always around and I am losing focus in academics. I got to change that now that we are in the second half of the semester.

Today I made my new bulletin board..."You Might Be A College Student If..."

I think it's pretty cool.


Well, I turn 21 Tuesday...the 15th. I am excited.

It is now 1am & I need to get my laundry and do my last round.

Leave a comment if you would like to :)

Lent

Lent started today.
Well, I am giving up three things
1. Twitter
2. Chocolate
3. Soda

I want to tweet so bad. This day has been weird without it because I tweet about things I see and think about during the day, and well now I can't do that. It is strange.
And at lunch today, Kali had nutella....nutella, I freakin love that stuff, but I can't have it.

This will be hard.

The end.