Father's Day

Father's Day
June 19, 2011

Maybe this year I have found something to be thankful for.

When I was 8 years old my parents got a divorce, that summer I moved in with my mom. Just so you all know, about 6 months prior my 2 half sisters moved in with us. (The story of my 2 sisters is a whole other story and I probably shouldn't go into detail). Let's just say I didn't know they existed until I was 6 or 7 years old. So that tells us that my dad hadn't been in their life very much until I found them by accident. My father said when my mom left him that he wouldn't do me how he had done my sisters, that I was his angel and he would always be here.

I have not seen or heard from my father since I was about 11, nor did he pay child support to help out my mother. It is crazy how one person being absent from your life can make a person so different from others who have that person in their life.

I constantly think about how my life would be if my father hadn't just moved to another state without a word to my mother or myself. If he had at least sent money for me and my mom who wasn't always able to make enough money to pay the bills.
He wasn't there when I graduated from high school 3 years ago. He hasn't been here to see any of my success, or been here to encourage me when challenges came my way. I always pretended like I was okay with it....at my graduation during the speeches I didn't cry because high school was over, I shed tears because my father was not in the stands watching me walk the stage and receive my diploma. I wondered if he even cared...and still to this day I wonder if he cares at all.

I also always wonder even if my parents weren't together and he still was around if I would be a better woman and know how to love better than I do. That just sucks because I want to be the best woman a man could ever ask for. The fact that my father left me, and that every man my mom has been with has never been a good has always made me skeptical of any guy who ever talked to me. And that is not good...I hate it. I always assume that every guy could and would do the same thing as my father and leave me.

But this year, this Father's Day...I have something to be thankful for. Well actually 2 things.
1. My older brother who is not yet a father, but has been here for me the past couple of years...letting me stay with him and his wife while I am not at school, and for always helping my mom out with money when we needed it when I still lived with her. It truly means a lot because he doesn't have to do any of that.
2. My boyfriends father. My boyfriend Howard is an awesome guy. He has treated me better than any other guy. He is respectful and kind. He encourages me to do things that I like, gives me ideas, and challenges me. He always knows the right things to say, makes me listen even when I am trying to be stubborn. And I listen and what he says I take in and its in my head with me to think about even after the conversation is over. He is making me a stronger person. I believe that he is this way because of having both his father and mother in his life. I don't really know how great his relationship is with the both of them yet, but I know that he has definitely been taught a great deal from them, and I am so very thankful for that.

So this Father's Day, I have found some joy, and I thank the Lord for that.

If you have a father who has stuck around in your life, he may not be perfect....but make sure you thank him today. He didn't have to be there for you, but he was and is! You are so blessed.

I want to say another thing to men out there. When you find a lady friend who doesn't have a father, be kind and don't just tell her you love her but show her in all this little things you do.
And sometimes when she is unsure how to love you, be patient and show her...that is the only way she may ever learn. In time, she will be a greater woman for you, and that is all she wants.


If you read through this whole post...thanks...all these things I have thought about over and over but I never really say out loud to anyone...so it means a lot!

Just Bored

Well, it is 12:36 am & I am so very tired. I am on call right now...or else I would be in bed already.
I don't really have a purpose for blogging right now...so this will all be random.

As you all should know, I miss Twitter....have not been on there in five days. It is crazy because I used to be on Twitter ALL the time. The first day of Lent was the hardest. I found myself wanting to tweet about all these things that were happening, what quotes of funny things my friends & I had said, and my thoughts thought the day. Now, I still want to tweet about things but not as often.
Now, I find myself on Facebook a lot more, when before I was rarely on it. Sadly, it is not as satisfying as Twitter. I miss tweeting with all the Magic fans. It is always fun, but I will have to wait until like the end of the season to tweet with them all again.
As far as Lent, I am also reading the Bible more. I am reading for my Johannine Lit class, but I am also trying to read some everyday from other parts of the Bible. This is somethng that I really need to continue even after Lent season is over. I am hoping that will happen.

School...well, I am not going to be an RA next year. For the third time I got "Alternate Candidate" it is kind of annoying but, I hope that they put me in over the summer. I really enjoy my RA position, except nights like this when all I want to do it sleep but can't because I am on call. I guess we should be registering for fall classes soon. We are having advisor meetings Wednesday, so we will see how that goes. I need to get an internship during the summer, but first I need a car. I am working on that, it is just hard when I don't have anyone to help me...I really don't know what I am doing, so it would help to get some guidance.
I am doing doing as well grade wise as last semester. I feel like my friends are always around and I am losing focus in academics. I got to change that now that we are in the second half of the semester.

Today I made my new bulletin board..."You Might Be A College Student If..."

I think it's pretty cool.


Well, I turn 21 Tuesday...the 15th. I am excited.

It is now 1am & I need to get my laundry and do my last round.

Leave a comment if you would like to :)

Lent

Lent started today.
Well, I am giving up three things
1. Twitter
2. Chocolate
3. Soda

I want to tweet so bad. This day has been weird without it because I tweet about things I see and think about during the day, and well now I can't do that. It is strange.
And at lunch today, Kali had nutella....nutella, I freakin love that stuff, but I can't have it.

This will be hard.

The end.

Woman at the Well Monologue

I absolutely love this monologue!





I am a woman of no distinction
of little importance.
I am a women of no reputation
save that which is bad.

You whisper as I pass by and cast judgmental glances,
Though you don’t really take the time to look at me,
Or even get to know me.

For to be known is to be loved,
And to be loved is to be known.
Otherwise what’s the point in doing
either one of them in the first place?

I WANT TO BE KNOWN.

I want someone to look at my face
And not just see two eyes, a nose,
a mouth and two ears;
But to see all that I am, and could be
all my hopes, loves and fears.

But that’s too much to hope for,
to wish for,
or pray for
So I don’t, not anymore.

Now I keep to myself
And by that I mean the pain
that keeps me in my own private jail
The pain that’s brought me here
at midday to this well.

To ask for a drink is no big request
but to ask it of me?
A woman unclean, ashamed,
Used and abused
An outcast, a failure
a disappointment, a sinner.

No drink passing from these hands
to your lips could ever be refreshing
Only condemning, as I’m sure you condemn me now
But you don't.

You’re a man of no distinction;
Though of the utmost importance.
A man with little reputation, at least so far.

You whisper and tell me to my face
what all those glances have been about, and
You take the time to really look at me.
But don’t need to get to know me.

For to be known is to be loved and
To be loved is to be known.

And you know me.
You actually know me;
all of me and everything about me.
Every thought inside and hair on top of my head;
Every hurt stored up, every hope, every dread.

My past and my future, all I am and could be.
You tell me everything,
you tell me about me!

And that which is spoken by another
would bring hate and condemnation.
Coming from you brings love, grace,
mercy, hope and salvation.

I’ve heard of one to come
who could save a wretch like me
And here in my presence, you say
I AM He.

To be known is to be loved;
And to be loved is to be known.

And I just met you.
But I love you.
I don’t know you,
but I want to get to.

Let me run back to town
this is way to much for just me.
There are others: brothers,
sisters, lovers, haters.

The good and the bad, sinners and saints
who should hear what you’ve told me;
who should see what you’ve shown me;
who should taste what you gave me;
who should feel how you forgave me.

For to be known is to be loved;
And to be loved is to be known.
And they all need this, too.
We all do
Need it for our own.

God is my co-pilot?

January 15th, 2009 a plane hit a flock of birds shortly after take off. The pilot needed to take the plane down as soon as possible in the safest way. So, as I am sure you all remember, he ditched the plane into the Hudson River. All the people on the plane survived. A pretty amazing story.
We talked about this today in Chapel. The Chaplain asked if anyone remembered that pilots name...almost everybody raised their hand and said his name...Chesley Sullenberger. Then he asked, does anybody know the name of the co-pilot? No one had a clue.







God is my co-pilot. Hmmm...if it's so great to have God as a co-pilot, then why is it that no ones knows the name of the co-pilot in the Hudson River crash? Why? I feel that this is one of the dummest Christian bumper stickers.Sure it's saying, God is with me as I travel. But it is also saying that God is second in command. We are putting God after what we want, saying that we come first. Is that what being a follower of Christ is all about? I don't think so. When Jesus was on earth and had his disciples, did he ask them what they wanted? No, he told them what they were going to do. He said follow me & told them where to go and what to do. Today as Christians, we put him second. We are supposed to be following him, but instead it seems like we have him following us, to be with us and protect us. Instead of going where he wants us to go, we go where we want and have him come with us. When we find ourselves doing things we want that we know may not be right, instead of turning away we try to seek approval to justify it. Instead of serving to others, we ask God to be there to serve to us. Instead of going to worship just to glorify God, we go to see what we can get out of it. Everything we do, we have to make a decision. We have two views telling us what we should do. We have God telling us what we know is right. On the other, our sinful self telling is what we want. In moments like this we sin. These moments when we desire something more than our Savior Jesus Christ. This needs to stop. To be the best Christian we can possibly be, we must make God our pilot and put his will first. Do what he tells us to do, not what we want.

"I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I am not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I am full of myself-after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. -Romans 7:14-16

This verse is proof that we can no longer keep God in the passenger seat, but let him take the wheel in our lives.

"When I have a family I want it to be so different than how mine was."

"When I have a family I want it to be so different than how mine was."

Today & other days, I have thought that statement to myself. If I sat and told you all the things that weren't perfect about my family it would take a while. Not saying that I have the worst family, because I know I don't, I just want for my future family to be better.
And I know, that there can never be a perfect family, I understand that life happens, but can't I have a dream?
Before I think about starting a family and having kids. I want to be prepared. I want to first have a home for my child or children to grow up in. Not that it's not a blessing to have an unplanned pregnancy, I want mine to be planned. I don't want to have to move my children around a lot, causing them to go from school to school.
I want to be stable, have good income. I want to be able to provide for all of my child's needs. And to be able to give them things they want. I don't want to spoil them, I just want them to have more than I did. When they get older, I want to be able to get them a car. Not an expensive one, and probably not their dream car, but something to start out with. I won't just give them the car, they will have responsibilities, and I would expect them to get a job or something like that. I don't want them to have to deal with relying on other people for rides like I still have to today.
As a mother, I want to be the someone that my child can go to when they have a problem. I know that they won't always want to come to me because that's just how it is sometimes. Personally, I have never really gone to my mom when I needed someone to talk to. It's weird because it seemed that people who barely knew my mom would just talk to her about anything in their lives. But I could never go to my mom like that, I am not sure why it was like that. I just never felt comfortable. I don't want my children to feel that way.
I want my family to have dinner together. My family never sat down at the table and ate together. Last Thanksgiving, I went to my room mates Aunt's house with her. We all sat together, talked, laughed, and enjoyed dinner and each others company. At first, to me it was really weird because I wasn't used to it, but afterwords I really loved it. It honestly was one of the best Thanksgivings I have ever had. So my goal will be to cook dinner and eat with my family almost every night of the week.
I want my family to actually do things together. There are two instances that I remember of my mom, dad, brother, & I all doing something together. They are my favorite memories. Those were the times when my family really seemed to be a family. It's sad that there were only two. So my goal, is to take more time to go do things together. Vacations and even simple things like going to the park and playing some game. Just take some quality time.
When my children accomplish things I want to show them how proud I am. When they have dreams I want to encourage them. Most importantly, I want them to know that I love them.
I don't want to get too busy doing other things, dealing with bad habbits, and being selfish to spend time with, provide for, and be there for my child when they need me.
Not only do I want to be the best mother I can, I want to be the best wife to my husband. I am not sure yet how to do that. Maybe because I don't have the best father figure in my life. But I will learn. I have some ideas from watching other people. I want to understand and meet his needs & make him most happy. I also want to make sure that I give him his space. Let him do his guy stuff. And when he comes home I don't want to ask him a billion questions about what he was doing and why. I want him to be someone I can confide in & trust, as well as someone he can confide in & trust. I want us to be so in love and to be a great example to our children.
There is probably so much more I could say about all this.
But this won't happen for years to come anyhow so I got some time.
And like I said in the beggining, I know that there can never be a perfect family, I understand that life happens, but can't I have a dream?

Underestimated

Kriste M. King
Ate a chicken wing
She ate all she could
Like Josh knew she would
She got real full
But Josh said "That's bull!
That all you ate?"
Then he licked her plate
Later that night
Kriste got a fright
So she sent a text
All the while he flexed
Some time went by
Josh said with a sigh
While Kriste ate soup
"I underestimated my poop"
Kriste laughed aloud
While Josh gave no sound
Then she said
with that thought in her head
"I love you baby"
And now maybe
His cell he won't forget
Next time he's on the toilet